I'll Be Here For You
by rae of sunshinexx
Summary: High school has come and gone but Rachel still lingers to gain closure from her relationship with Jesse. She travels to UCLA, watching him from afar and remembering everything she loved of him.  May be a one shot but I may go on  Jesse/Rachel  St. Berry
1. Chapter 1: The Last Five Years

"_And if you, in turn, agree, to the next ten minutes, the next ten minutes, can you handle that?" _The words flew from his mouth in a gentle slew, just as flawlessly as she would have imagined. The duet was heart-wrenching and moving and was perfect in every since of the word. It was a St. James performance, why wouldn't it be? He spun Kathy around with ease, a beautiful duet that should have been _theirs_. For months, she had sat and wondered, pretended that she was fine. For months, her thoughts only resided with Jesse. Finn had kept her momentarily occupied but, in reality, she still longed to have Jesse's arms around her, to sing, once more, with him. A simple glint of the ring, the stage lights forcing it to shine brightly and reflect the idiotic jealousy in Rachel's eyes. It was just a production, he was only acting. But then had he been acting with her?

It was just another performance, another group of notes leaving his mouth and flooding the surrounding theatre. So why did he feel so different? Jenny stood, preparing her portion of _The Next Ten Minutes_ but his eyes had found another's. Doe eyes that expressed every thought that flew through her mind. A smile that would light up the darkness, if she'd only show it. She looked so broken, so lost, and so much older than when he last saw her. It had been three years, had it not? He'd be a senior in the coming year, UCLA having been his home since leaving Carmel. She'd be a sophomore. So, what was she doing here now? "_I don't know why people run, I don't know why things fall through. I don't know how anybody survives in this life without someone like you." _

The show continued on just as it should, Jesse completely embodying the character of Jamie and committing to every scene. Something within her wanted to find him afterwards, to express her joy of seeing him on stage again. The way those blue-green eyes would shine with the joy he was experiencing by being on stage, the way that beautiful curl bounced along with each movement. But she refused to move as everyone filed out, the cast already in the lobby to see friends and loved ones. She refused to stand for fear that he would be waiting, just as he was years before. He had broken her heart, so why was she here?

"Jesse, what was going-" he silenced Jenny by walking away, leaving her standing backstage, flabbergasted by the actions of her co-star. All he could think was why? Never did he think he would have a chance to apologize, to speak to her once more. In all honesty, he had only thought of her a handful of times since their last encounter. "_Is someone loving you?_' '_Turn around bright eyes.'_ '_I'm forever yours, faithfully_." Every instance of those words filled his mind of Rachel. He would smile when he heard _Hello. _The anger of his stupidity in trusting her raged through him with _Total Eclipse of the Heart_. But it was _Faithfully_ that broke him, the duet having shattered his heart all that time ago and still, it had not been reassembled.

Swiftly he made his way through the bustling crowd, congratulatory handshakes and smiles coming from each side. He searched every face, looked in their eyes but none were the deep brown he was looking for. She had left without a word to him and he knew that for days Rachel Berry would fill his dreams. The smiles still remained as each audience member began to leave. He knew that he had lost his chance and quietly turned, reentering the theatre without a second glance.

The door shut to the theatre and she waited for the intruder to address her. But it was only silence. "I'm sorry, I was just about-" Her eyes met those of blue-green, his curl almost obstructing her view of them but stopping at just the right length. He looked even better close up.

The door shut behind him and his breath caught in his throat. Dark locks cascading over the back of the chair, her sweater and skirt just as he would have wanted. "I'm sorry, I was just about-" and he knew he had a moment, an instant alone with her yet all he could say was "Hello Rachel."

"Hi," she muttered as he spoke to her, her name sounding so much more lyrical as it came from his lips. They stood rows apart yet she was sure that he could hear her heart pounding out of her chest. "I should have never come," she finally sputtered, grabbing her bag from the floor and turning to leave. "Wait, please." His hand were extended before him, a most theatrical pose that almost had Rachel smiling. "Would you like to come get a coffee with me? So we could talk?" he asked after moments of silence. Her eyes went to her feet, afraid that if she looked at him then she'd lose her strength. "Jesse, I..."

"Please?" His pleads brought her back to his eyes, her resolve faltering until finally she nodded. "Fine, for a minute."

The small coffee shop was abandoned by the time Jesse led Rachel in, holding open the door as she passed. "The carmel latte's with soy milk are quite phenomenal," he stated, remembering her vegan ways. "_Heard you're a vegan, Berry_" Giselle's words became prominent in his mind, the hatred towards her and what she made him do so evident in his gaze. "I think I'll try that then." He nodded as he moved towards the counter motioning for Rachel to sit.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted it. It was exactly what he needed to express how he felt. "_Just come out so we can talk...or sing about it_." Quickly he grabbed the coffees, making his way through the crowd towards the table that Rachel had found. "Come on, I have an idea." Swiftly he grabbed her hand, abandoning their coffees and belongings. He led her to the bench, smiling when he saw her hesitance. "Here?" she mumbled, so reminiscent of their first encounter. "Yes," he said with a grin, looking into her chocolate orbs. She looked so different now, bangs covering the expanse of her forehead and her hair straight rather than her regular curls but she was still Rachel, she was still beautiful. "_I used to know you when we were young. You were in all my dreams. We sat together in period 1, Friday's at 8:15._" The words left his lips effortlessly, a part in his mind hoping that Rachel would take the lead because if she didn't, he'd be the one too look the fool. It only took the small instrumental break for her to smile, the words leaving her mouth just as they had done his. "_Now I see your face in the strangest places, movies and magazines. And I saw you talking to Christopher Walken, on my TV screen."_

He continued to play through Rachel's verse, trying his hardest to keep the smile from growing. "_I will wait for you as long I need to and if you ever get back to Hackensack, I'll be here for you." _Their voices intertwined in perfect harmony, just as it was all those years ago.


	2. Chapter 2: I Got You

"So," he muttered, the words escaping him once they had returned to their seats at the coffee shop. The applause had died down the moment they finished, many smiling still after at the display of affection that was shown by the two singers that had meandered in. But it was all oblivious to them as they silently sipped their drinks. "What brings you to Los Angeles?" And that's when he saw her divert her eyes, that's when he saw her look away. Had she come for someone else? Had she just happened to walk into _The Last Five Years_ unknowing of his involvement?

"I'm a transfer student into the University of Southern California's School of Music. New York was just...too close to Ohio for me, for now. Broadway will have it's fill of Rachel Berry soon enough." That was the first genuine smile she had seen, that moment when heard that she was in L.A permanently. "Figured I'd come see you perform and then maybe have you show me the ropes a little bit? I'm at a loss when it comes to getting around. The freeways are a nightmare!" She stopped and looked into his eyes, fearing what they would tell her. Did he not want to reconcile their friendship? Did he just want her out of his life so that he could find a new love? But she was, in the least bit, disappointment for his eyes only showed his excitement.

"Of course," he muttered as he took the final gulp of his drink, eyes trained on her the entire time. It was going to be his chance of redemption, his way making it all up to her. He had broken her heart, left her destroyed, but what Rachel Berry did not know was that he had been hurt just the same. His heart had shattered that day just as the egg that was in his grasp had done. The agony he felt as he watched the yolk drip into those pleading eyes, the pain that wrenched through him as he watched her fight the tears. It plagued his dreams and had been the cause of his bending over the sink, emptying out the contents of his stomach for nights on end. It had been the worse thing he had ever done, the one crime he wished that he hadn't committed, even if it was in the sake of the stage.

For the next few hours, the two wondered around aimlessly, Jesse continually pointing at the important fixtures of the Beverly Hills area, where his school was located, while Rachel stood back and just admired everything he had to offer. He was willing to cart her around, in all honesty, and she couldn't be more grateful. But then why was the sneaking feeling of pain and anguish creeping its way back inside her? She had gotten over everything that had happen, or at least that is what she had told herself. She had put it behind her, in song none-the-less, but still. The words filtered through her mind as his own voice began to filter out, the heartache so evident in her infliction as she belted out the only song she could think to sing. "_Jesse is over and Jesse is gone. __Jesse's decided it's time to move on. Jesse has new dreams he's building upon and I'm still hurting."_ She would stop and turn to the empty auditorium or the vacancy of the bedroom she had inhabited with him so many times previously. She would clench her fists and close her eyes, letting each phrase take her over. "_Jesse arrived at the end of the line. Jesse's convinced that the problems are mine. Jesse is probably feeling just fine and I'm still hurting." _The tears would prickle and pool in the doe eyes that searched for a familiar face, one she knew she would not find. _"What about nice, Jesse? What about things that you swore to be true? What about you, Jesse, what about you?"_ It was inevitable, every time the words left her mouth, that her cheeks would be streaked with the tears that caused her brown eyes to turn a blood-shot red. "_Jesse is sure something wonderful died. Jesse decides it's his right to decide. Jesse's got secrets he doesn't confide And I'm still hurting." _

"Rachel?" He turned towards her, the feeling of his hands on either side of her face made her realize that she had zoned out for longer than expected. It took her another moment to realize that the tears were not only falling from her wide gaze in her recollection. "What's the matter?" Quickly, she shook her head, stepping back from his hold. "It's nothing," she muttered. Turning away from him and trying to get her attention to led back to the task at hand, back to learning about Los Angeles, but all she could feel was the feel of his grasp around her wrist. There were only a few option that could come from his hand upon her in that manner. First, she could pull a very 'un-Rachel Berry' like move and pull away from him, but in a dramatic fashion of course. Second, she could wait and see what Jesse would do. If anything, it would be something along the lines of 'tell me everything' or he would apologize with such melodramatic vigor that she wouldn't be able to fight the simple smile that would tug at her lips. And the final option, the one Jesse St. James chose, was one that she would not think of in a million years. Not after the yolk had haunted her dreams for months. Not after the awkward silences that filled the coffee meeting they shared. Not after she had let all theatrically notions filter out of her daily life. For Jesse did not falter, did not flinch, as he hand released her wrist only to resume it's place with his other on either side of her face, bringing his lips to her own.


	3. Chapter 3: Someone Like Me

At first her reaction was as 'Rachel Berry' as she could make it. Her face was ridden with the shock of the initial act that Jesse performed. Then, slowly but surely, she gave in to his methods, wrapping her small hands in the confines of his luscious curls. But something over came her in that instance, something that surprised her. She came to the realization that it was all starting again, it was all going to turn right back into what he had walked away from all those years ago, and she stepped back.

He felt her give in, felt her hands in his hair and felt her open her mouth to grant him entrance. So when the warmth suddenly vanished and the tears returned to her eyes, he could only look at his feet. '_It's all starting again, just as before..._' He should have known that it would not be an easy thing, to regain the trust of Rachel Berry. Especially after he had lost it so viciously. But what was he to do, he had already apologized once...'_She still is Rachel, no matter how different she looks. Remember what she said all those years ago? Girls like her don't get over things like this, like Barbara in the Way We Were._' He sighed, letting his hands fall to his side, trying his hardest to avoid her gaze at any cost. "_Your heart's on the loose, you run in circles with nothing to lose. This ain't no place for the weary kind..." _Rachel's eyes looked up to him, the words stabbing her like an icy knife.

"_Grace in light, somehow I found you here, torn from the hope and fear that holds us inside." _The two songs that she could never see fit for each other went hand in hand with their two emotions. He was the 'weary kind' and she was shattered every moment he glanced her way. "_Pulled me out, looked from the world I'd known. All that was broken and cold, brought me in here. From you one look, just one look and everything is shattered."_

_ "You called all your shots, shooting the ball at the corner truck stop. Somehow these don't feel like home anymore. And this ain't no place for the weary kind, this ain't no place to lose your mind."_

_ "From you one word, towers burn and fall."_

_ "This ain't no place to fall behind. Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try._" Jesse finished the song on a higher note than was in the song, each of them expressing whatever they could through the words of their impromptu mash-up. "People are probably watching us," she muttered, a sudden blush creeping upon her cheeks as she swiftly tried to wipe them away. "Let them watch," he said in the same small whisper that she had adorned and again, his lips found hers.

Forgiveness was not something easily given, this much Rachel knew, but still she did not pull away from Jesse, still she stayed and held onto him. It was as if nothing happened, as if everything had been a horrible dream and she was back at the start of their relationship. Well, as close as she could get. "I have to go soon," she said when they finally broke, her voice giving of a hint of sadness as she looked into the blue-green eyes that towered above her. "I have rehearsals for our musical later. We're working on my solo, if you'd like to come I'd like to have you sit in, give me pointers? You always were good and telling me when I was not up to par."

And how wrong he had been when he spoke. It had all began with a lie, the entire basis of their relationship. When he had told her that she lacked the emotionality that Barbara harbored in _Funny Girl_ while singing _Don't Rain on My Parade_, he had told one of the greatest lies he ever had to, a sin that he did not think God would forgive. Rachel Berry lacked no emotion when she sang, if anything, he almost thought she could have given the great Miss Streisand a run for her money. "We're doing _Next to Normal_ and I have to sing _Everything Else."_ He smiled, nodding as they continued down the sidewalk, his hand finding hers as they made their way towards his car to drive her to USC. "Of course I'd listen," he said with a smile. It seemed that all he could do was say 'Yes' to Rachel Berry.

As soon as the two reached the car, Rachel reached for the radio. It was almost an instinct that she had when he came to driving with Jesse, even after all this time. When they were in high school, they would each pick a song, depending on the length of the drive, for the other to sing and first to get to the radio was the first to chose. Jesse then supposed the rules were still in play. "You would remember." He quickly turned the engine on, looking to Rachel and handing her the iPod without another word. To his surprise, a song that he would never pin Rachel for came out of the speakers and he could help but smile as he backed out of the parking spot during the instrumental opening.

"_I've been roaming, always looking down at all I see. Painted faces fill the places I can't reach." _And together they sang, Rachel chiming in when she felt the need to express her opinion musically. "_You know that I could use somebody. You know that I could use somebody. Someone like you and all you know and how you speak. Countless lovers uncover of the street. You know that I could use somebody. You know that I could use somebody. Someone like you."_

Jesse didn't understand why this was so different. He had sung with Rachel countless times, three times in the last few hours alone, yet this moment, in the car just as they used to be, sent a familiar feeling of ecstasy coursing through his veins.

Rachel stopped when the verse came back, letting Jesse's voice take over once more. "_Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep, waging wars to shake the poet and the beat. I hope it's gonna make you notice, I hope it's gonna make you notice..._" And he grew quite as the softest note he ever heard emanated from Rachel, the sweet sound to ever reach his ears.

"_Someone like me."_


	4. Chapter 4: I'm With You

Rehearsal came and went and Jesse stood by her side the entire time. He took her to a nice restaurant for dinner that served both vegan meals along with food that would fit his tastes. He drove her around the city at night and kept her out much later than she expected to be going into the play earlier that afternoon, but through it all, she had no complaints. The only thing she feared was their departure.

"Well, here. Give me your phone and I'll give you my number and we'll go to lunch tomorrow between your classes, if that's alright with you." She nodded as she handed her phone across to him, waiting momentarily for the return of her phone before opening the door and sliding out. When she was about to walk to her car she turned around and ran back to Jesse's side of the window, knocking on it and patiently waiting for him to roll it down. "I wondered if you were going to leave without-" But he didn't have the chance to finish for Rachel chastely kissed his lips before smiling and pulling away. "Thank you for today, Jesse. I can't wait for tomorrow." And with that, she turned and unlocked her car, getting into the warmth it provided, and pulled away from the UCLA parking lot without another look towards Jesse St. James' car.

The drive home seemed more bearable then ever before, the traffic not as daunting as it had previously been. It seemed that no matter what would come her way, she'd be able to face it differently because he was now at her side. The radio slowly began to drift out a tune that brought a soft grin to her lips, the words so fitting and so true to her situation that she couldn't help but sing along. "_I'm standing on the bridge, I'm waiting in the dark, I thought that you'd be here by now. There's nothing but the rain, no footsteps on the ground. I'm listening but there's no sound. Isn't anyone trying to find me? Won't somebody come take me home? It's a damn cold night, trying to figure out this life. Won't you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new? I don't know who you are but I'm, I'm with you."_ She knew there were parts that were less than true, instances that didn't make any sense when it came to Jesse but, in all honesty, she didn't care. The words expressed how she felt.

The comfort of a home is something that Rachel Berry never lacked, both of her father's had made sure of that. So when she opened the door to her new apartment, she couldn't help but feel a bit slighted that it lacked that feeling that she got when she walked into the house that awaited her in Lima. There was no warmth apart from the cold one that the blankets she had harbored. Even the music that filled the small space could not compare to the loneliness that filled her heart.

Swiftly she closed the door behind her, locking herself in and trying to shake the feeling that she was alone from her. But it seemed as if it was nothing but a constant reminder, nothing but a sickening feeling that refused to lessen it's hold.

"_Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly, all your life. You were only waiting for this moment to arise._" Her father's used to play the Beatles whenever she was sick, whenever she felt horrible and now, it turned into the only comfort she could manage. The only comfort apart from...

"No," she muttered as she pulled herself away from the thought. She couldn't be that desperate. That's how they had ended up so estranged in the first place. She wasn't going to be 'clingy Rachel Berry' anymore. She wasn't going to be that girl. "_Once again, can't regret, what I did for love..._" She looked down to her phone, it's ring distracting her for the time being. Or at least it was until she read the unknown caller ID. "Thought I'd make sure you got home alright," his voice like honey to her ears, no greeting necessary. "Yeah, safe and alone." She whispered into the receiver, afraid of what his response would be. Would he question her like he would have before? Would he blow off her statement and end their conversation? If she was being truly honest with herself, his voice was already making her feel better. The warmth was returning, the beckoning call of it telling her that everything would be alright. "What's your address?"


	5. Chapter 5: I'll Love You Right

Rachel had always been impatient, a quality that she had obtained from her fathers. Waiting for people to do things for her or waiting for them to finish so she could leave had never been a favorite past time of hers. So sitting and waiting as Jesse found her apartment was even worse. It was as if the clock was ticking by slowly and even music could not help ease her anxiety. The room seemed extremely desolate, the darkness swallowing her whole as she sat on the stiff couch. Everything seemed to be enriched, every sense being enlightened. Fear was creeping through her veins as each shadow sent a shiver down her spine. "_Where I go, when I go there, no more memories anymore. Only men on distant ships, the women with them swimming with them to shore..."_

The address was punched into his GPS and he was listening as the robotic voice continually told him to make each swift turn, directing him where he needed to be. He didn't know how he could forget about her fear of loneliness, how he could forget those phone calls late at night when he would sneak out of his uncle's house and creep silently into hers, holding her through the night without the knowledge of either of her fathers? How could he not remember the tears that would stain her cheeks out of the sheer terror of what the dark would bring? It was the childish quality of Rachel that he admired. He didn't know how she had survived this long on her own, knowing that she could barely stand the company of herself for more than a few hours. The GPS told him that his destination would be on his right, Rachel's apartment building now in his view. He quickly shut it off and let the music that was softly playing in the background leave his lips, the words less than fitting but beautiful none the less. "_Where I go, when I go there no more whispering anymore. Only hymns upon your lips, a mystic wisdom rising with them to shore..._"

The whispering notes had left her lips barely audibly but she didn't care, it was more for her comfort that for the joy of singing. As egotistical as it sounded, the melodic tone of her voice gave her a sense of security that many other things couldn't. It was the one thing she could believe in, if not always count on, her issue with laryngitis had proved that. But nevertheless, Rachel Berry only trusted the beauty that left her lips whenever she began to sing, the one thing she could rely on when she was in doubt. It was what made her Rachel, the one thing that made her unique. And now, it was just providing her with a faux sense of comfort.

The engine died down as he turned the car off, releasing his keys from the hold of the ignition. He didn't know what to do, run in proving that he came to her beck and call as quickly as possible or wait to make it look as if he hadn't sped over at a moments notice. In all honesty, he didn't care if it looked like he was desperate, if it looked like she had a metaphorical hold over him. Because, in all honesty, all that mattered to him in the current moment was Rachel and she needed him.

Swiftly he entered through the doors, searching the hall for her number only to pass by countless ones with no such luck. That was until he looked up, her slim figure leaning against the door in the night gown she had donned. The deep purple almost as daunting as the pink had been all those years ago, this one a bit more revealing then it had been. "Hi," she muttered as he got closer, the gap between them lessening with each step towards her. "Hi," he returned, the same innocence in his infliction as had been present in hers. He couldn't tell you what emotion came over him next, what drove him to completely close off the space keeping them separated but he did. He let the wall keep them steady as he gently pushed her against it, his lips forcing their way upon hers.

She felt her way through the doorway, leading Jesse into her house and him shutting the door behind him. Obstacles laced their trip to the destination of her choosing, the reluctance to break from one another preventing them from safely making their way through her cluttered halls, all leading to the sanctuary she considered her bedroom. Pictures of her family, her Glee club, and her friends littered the walls and Jesse noticed out of the corner of his eye a photo that he thought Rachel Berry would have never kept, a picture that he was positive she would have rid herself of long ago. He was behind her, a smile present on his face while she was shyly smirking within his arms, a position they mirrored often throughout their relationship.

His conscious was catching up with him, knowing that Rachel didn't do these things, or at least the Rachel he had known. He had led her to where they had both intended to go, the darker pink of her bed spread (a contrast to that of the bright, girlie pink that had once been her sheets) calling to them as they moved towards it, Jesse only hesitating once she laid before him, everything that made her a woman displayed before him with her night gown discarded at his feet. "_Touch me," _she sang sweetly to him, her hand searching for his waiting one and bringing it towards her body. "_Just like that. And that I like,_" he gently took over, his mind taking grasp of her as hungrily as he had initially wanted. "_God that's so nice." _He smiled as she sung out to him, the words forcing him to move forward as he brought his lips close to her own and sang out the rest. _"Now lower down, where the figs lie."_


	6. Chapter 6: Here I Go

Their labored breaths and audible pants filled the surrounding room, sweat matting her bangs to her forehead as she lazily gazed into the blue green eyes of the man before her. His hair was in much the same state, the curls sticking to his face in odd ways yet still, she could not have found him more beautiful. "All that time, all that fear, that's what I was missing?" she muttered, her smile widening as she laid her head against the chiseled chest of Jesse St. James. "I'm glad I waited for you," she whispered as she felt his arms instinctively wrap around her, knowing all too well that the smug grin he reserved for such occasions.

Head pressed against the bare chest of the man whose arms were encompassing her body, hand lazily wrapped around his. It was a way to take up that Rachel Berry never thought possible, a dream that had been so far removed from her mind ever since 'the incident', as she had so beautifully named it. It was a fantasy, if anything, but it had somehow become her reality, so how become her truth. She smiled, the morning air drifting through her nostrils as she took a deep breath. "Morning," he muttered, his voice echoing through her as she remained still, not wanting to let the dream slip through her fingertips. "Can we just stay like this for a while?" She asked, the innocence of her voice evident in her words. If she didn't know any better, she would say he had a smile plastered across his lips as he spoke. "We can try."

Each breath he took, every word he spoke was exemplified as she laid upon him, the world seeming to slow around them. Nothing else mattered to her in those few instances, nothing was truly important. All she cared about was having him within in grasp, having him holding her.

"_Broken this fragile thing now, and I can't, I can't, pick up the pieces. And I've thrown my words all around but I can't, I can't, give you a reason._" She could hear the anguish in each word as it left his mouth, her brow furrowing in confusion as she sat up and locked his gaze with her own. "Jesse, what are you talking about-" but then it all came rushing back to her in a fury. She had buried the feelings so deep, hid the emotions that were bottled up inside to the point where she could almost feel no more. She didn't want to make those memories resurface, they were just a blur to her now. But he seemed to be trapped in a battle with himself. The pain and the guilt over riding his greedy intention of that fateful day. She understood now why he did it, she had almost the same thing happen to Sunshine when she came to New Directions. She had tried her best and put it all behind her, yet it was obvious that he had not. "_I feel so broken up, and I give up. I just want to tell you so you know, here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you._" He was singing softly, the words would have been inaudible had she been anywhere but within his hold.

"_You are my only one,"_ she sang gently, her hand coming to rest on his cheek as she sat completely up, her other hand pressed firmly against his chest. "_I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do,_" he whispered to her, tears forming in the beauty of his eyes, tearing her apart and captivating her simultaneously as she gazed into them. "_You are my only, my only one._" She finished the chorus and neither attempted the next verse, Jesse random burst of emotion shocking Rachel and the shame of everything barred too deeply upon him. Never had she seen him this vulnerable, never had she seen him this free to everything rushing through him. In all honesty, it frightened her. "Jesse, I understand why. I have for a while now. I know that it's the complete opposite of Barbara in the Way We Were, the opposite of what I told you would happen if you broke my heart but...I get it. I mean, I sent a girl to a crack house for God sake," his laughter broke her rant, the tears in his eyes still present but a smile etched across his lips. Swiftly she pulled him towards her, his head pressed against her chest. "I can't say that I condone what you did, I'd be even more neurotic if I did, but I understand."

She watched as his smile widened, felt as his hands gently moved, one to the side of her face and the other to support him as he moved closer to her. "That's all I could ever hope for," he muttered before closing the gap between them with a kiss that was so gently and loving that Rachel could not help but feeling as if she had fallen, once more, for Jesse St. James. As if she had every fallen out.


	7. Chapter 7: Like I'm Fooling Myself

Life began to continue on as usual for Rachel, classes and the play production taking over her time and limiting the time she got to spend with Jesse. It wasn't ideal, extremely far from it if she was honest with herself, but it was better than before. Better than when Jesse wasn't in her life at all. Days passed by at excruciatingly slow speeds, her cell phone burning in her pocket as she longed to pick it up and call Jesse, bring him to her so she wouldn't feel so alone anymore. It struck her then that she was becoming dependent on him, that her life began to revolve around when she could speak to him. What had become of the strong girl that she had once been? What happened to the girl that needed no one to shine as brightly as she could? It was as if her drive had faltered and that she only cared about the blue-green gaze of Jesse St. James.

It had been days since he had seen her, hours since they had spoken, but only seconds since his mind had wondered to the doe eyes that claimed him as her own. He hated the distance that their lives wedged between them, hated that he couldn't be with her every second of the day. What had become of the soulless automaton that once ruled Vocal Adrenaline?

"Miss Berry, am I interrupting your slumber?" Her professor gazed at her over the rim of his glasses, his arms crossed at his chest. Nights of restless sleep had caught up with her and she could not help herself as the teacher continued to ramble on about the Ancient worlds that she, in all honesty, cared nothing about. It was a general education course and without it, Rachel could not graduate. The hour and a half it took up, however, tested her acting ability as she had continually tried to look as if she was paying attention when, in reality, her mind was filled with curls and the dark abyss of one's wardrobe. "For days, Rachel, myself and the class around you has put up with your sad display of 'pay attention'. The next time you plan on day dreaming rather than diligently paying attention to my lecture, please refrain from coming to class." Rachel, her defiance taking over, quickly packed her things up and looked to her professor with her showface prominently displayed. "Well then, seeing as the knowledge you are presenting is something that I already acquire, I'll let myself out."

"St. James, would you like to tell us the succession of notes that make up the chorus to today's piece?" Jesse sighed as he began to recite the notes that he had studied the night before, having nothing else to do in his free time now that Rachel had been jam pack with school work. The look in his professor's eyes told him that he didn't think he knew the answer, that he was simply in the class just to not have the absence against. "Thank you," he muttered as he continued on with the lecture, avoiding the gaze that Jesse still held with him and trying to shake off the anger that his smug grin prevented.

"_Come on, you can talk to me._" Rachel swiftly pulled out her cell phone, dialing a number that she had become so accustomed to in the recent days. "_Come on, I'm ready to receive and I can't always read your mind. And your words are all one of a kind."_ The sound of his voice was like music to her ears as he answered her call, the strain evident, however, in each syllable that left his lips. He agreed that he missed her, told her that he'd like to see her, and ended the call almost as quickly as it had begun, telling her that he would come over later that night and tell her everything that had been happening. She told him how she 'couldn't wait' and hung up, the feeling of loneliness creeping up upon her once more. "_Lately, I feel like fooling myself. Either that or I'm fooling everyone else."_

He hated that he had to hang up, hated that he didn't have the time to talk to her then. But life seemed to have different plans for him throughout the days. Espeically that day. He couldn't let her know what he was doing, for she'd worry unnecessarily so. Once he got it over with, he'd tell her all of it. Because if there was one thing that Jesse St. James wasn't, it was dependent. Swiftly, he pulled his car into the parking lot of the doctor's office, his mind clouded and his heart heavy as he got out and shut the door behind him. "_Lately, I feel like a piece of my soul is hanging around for everyone to hold. Lately, just to let all go but it's going, going right out my door."_

_**Opinions on this chapter? I was wondering how you all liked the spin I'm putting to it to get the story into the actual plot. If you'd rather this just be about their relationship and not have the Jesse spin then let me know :)**_


	8. Chapter 8:I Will Try To Fix You

The doctor's appointment came and went, Jesse listening to his instructions as he had done all the times before. For months, he had been coming. For months, he had known what would be happening to him soon yet he was still selfish, he still let Rachel come back into his life knowing their that time would be limited. Or at least, that's how he viewed his fate. Rather than being the optimist, as he had always encouraged Rachel to be, he took the pessimistic approach. All thoughts of Broadway and the life he could have had thrown from his mind at the knowledge that he may not survive this battle to get there. He could still remember when the doctor told him of his curse, when the doctor told him he had cancer. "Jesse, we're going to need you to come back in to see us." He had needed a physical for the production of _The Last Five Years_. He had needed it in order to take the role, and without it, he might not have known until it was too late. He knew that tonight would be the night, tonight would be when he finally told Rachel everything. It would explain his sudden change of character, it would explain why he was slowly forgiving himself for what he had done to her. It would explain everything.

The sudden distance had been driving her nuts, causing her to worry for what she believed was no reason. _If she only knew..._ For hours she sat, trying her hardest to push the thoughts that were threatening to take over her from her mind. Everything had been going great and the only thing that had slowed their relationship was the amount of work she had to do. That was all, or at least that was all she hoped.

"_When try your best but you don't succeed. When you get what you want but not what you need. When you feel so tired but you can't sleep, stuck in reverse._" He sang the words so softly that he even had a hard time hearing them as the engine died outside of Rachel's apartment. The same thoughts seemed to replay in his mind. What if Rachel hated him for coming back into her life when he was sick? What if she was repulsed by him? He knew that his worries were idiotic but he couldn't help himself as he stood outside, the soft rain that had begun to fall causing his tears to be lost in them. "_And the tears come streaming down your face when you lose something you can't replace, when you love someone but it goes to waste. Could it be worse?_" He took a breath in, composing himself as much as he could before stepping through the threshold of her complex and calling up to her apartment.

"Hello?" She asked as the buzzer went off, knowing full well who it was. "It's Jesse," he muttered and those two words solidified all the fears that had been flowing through her all day. Something was wrong. Quickly she let him in, anxiously waiting for him to get to her door. She kept telling herself to not bombard him with questions but she knew that it would not happen, that if anything, she would have to be stopped in order for him to answer them all.

Each step brought a chink to his armor, each move made his courage start to falter. How would he go about telling her? Just blurting it out or should he ease her into it? Would he just whisper it softly or declare it as if it was nothing? Everything about this situation was confusing to him and he felt like he was losing grip on everything that he was. Growing up, he'd had everything anyone could have wanted and now it felt like it was all vanishing from beneath him. A gentle knock to her door, one that he thought would have given him more time, was received with an abrupt opening and a frantic Rachel before him. "What's wrong? Oh my god, Jesse, you've been crying." She moved to envelop him in her arms and for a moment, he wanted to push her away. He wanted to end everything that had begun to rebuild to save her from the pain, but seeing her before him made him realize that he couldn't do it alone. That he needed her. Slowly he began to break, his knees buckling beneath him as he fell to the ground, Rachel cradling his head to her chest. "Jesse," she whispered as tears began to fill her own brown orbs, fear present in her gaze as he met her. "I'm sick, Rachel," the omission sounded almost as if he was trying to just get it out, as if he'd feel better once it was off his chest.

"Sick? As in what, Jesse? What kind of sick?" She gently pushed his head away from her, looking into his blue-green eyes as she pleaded with him to tell her. She needed to know, the sobs slowly beginning to take over as the fear coursed through her veins. "Cancer." The word seeped into her, taking over and strangling her until she could breath. She, just as Jesse had, lost her will to stand and fell down before him, looking at him face to face. Once more she pulled him closely to her, their sobs mixing is a heart-shattering harmony. _"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you._"


	9. Chapter 9: Love the Way You Lie

"I want to go with you, I think I can be helpful." His resistance was something she expected, he would always be stubborn no matter the situation. But what she didn't foresee were the tears that filled his blue-green gaze, them pooling in his eyes as he turned away from her. She had only intended to help him, only wanted to go to be there for him through all the heartache, never had she wanted him to cry. "Jesse, I'm sorry. I just thought that you'd need someone..."

_I do._ He knew that she understood, that she knew what was needed of her for him to get through this. So why was he slowly forcing her away? Every time she tried to help him, he'd find a way of doing it himself. Rachel was there for him, did not push him away and yet he found it so easy to push _her. _"I don't want you to see my like that..." _I should have known better._

"What do you mean _like that_? Jesse! I told you that I was here for you, that I would be there through it all..." She didn't understand why he was suddenly so hesitant on her help, so against her being there. At first, he had came to her and now, it's as if he saw it as a mistake. "Do you not want me to be here? Do you want me to just pretend like I don't care because that's what it seems like-"

"I don't want you to see me weak! ...Rachel, I don't want you to see me when I'm in there getting treatment because I'm vulnerable and fragile, I'm sick and I don't want you to be put through that."

Both were silent as neither took a glance towards the other, too afraid of what they'd see. Jesse knew that Rachel would be crying, even if she was silently doing so. Rachel knew that Jesse's fist would be clenched at his sides, that his eyes would reveal all the frustrations he did not have the nerve to vocalize. The two were one in the same, their silent battles growing stronger and they remained isolated from each other when they both knew they were depended on the other. "Jesse," she muttered after moments of agonizing silence, her voice cracking as she spoke. "I'm coming. It doesn't matter what you say anymore, I'm coming." She moved closer to him, the distance they had created closed off by her gentle hand upon his own. There was no smile present on her features, nothing except the tracks the tears had left and the ones that were still falling. She let the words leave her lips without hesitation, the lyrics so fitting and the melody so heartbreaking. "_On the first page of our story, the future seemed so bright. Then this thing turned out so evil I don't know why I'm still surprised. Even angels hide wicked schemes and you take that to new extremes. But you'll always be my hero, even though you've lost your mind._"

Jesse tried to pull away from her, turn his face away but he felt her hands upon either side of his cheeks, his gaze being forced upon hers. He knew the next part, knew the chorus and knew what it meant for them. He knew that it was his to sing, even if she did it herself for he had been the cause of the pain before and now, he was the source of her agony once more. "_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, well that's alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, well that's alright because I love the way you lie, love the way you lie." _ He turned from her, breaking himself from her grip and retreating to the bedroom that had somewhat become 'theirs', shutting the door and himself off from Rachel.

"_Now there's gravel in our voices, the glass that shattered from the fight. In this tug of war, you'll always win, even when I'm right. 'Cause you feed me fables from your heart with violent words and empty threats and it's sick that all these battles are what keeps me satisfied. Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, that's all right because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, well that's alright because I love the way you lie, love the way you lie._" Rachel watched his retreating form, felt the tears fall over and down her cheeks once more, but she could not move. She stayed concreted to the floor, her eyes falling to her feet as she let the words fall effortlessly from her lips. She hated what this all was doing to them, their newly formed relationship taking the blow as well as her broken heart.

"_So maybe I'm a masochist, I tried to run but I don't want to ever leave until the walls are going in smoke with all our memories_." Jesse was laying on the bed, his forearm across his eyes as he closed them, thoughts flying through his mind as he could only picture Rachel's pained expression, the tears in her eyes and the stains that they left as they cascaded down her cheeks.

"_I love the way you lie_." She sang softly as she moved closer to the bedroom, her hand hovering over the handle as she tried to gain the courage to grab it. Her hand shook as she retracted it from the heat of the door, her legs giving out beneath her as she leaned against the wall, her back steadily falling down it until her knees were brought up to her chest. She could not do it any longer, she could not pretend that he was going to be fine. She knew of the fear that embodied her constantly, knew of the pain that she felt with the knowledge that he may not _be _better, but she couldn't help the optimistic attitude that had once invaded her. She had only wanted to believe that he'd go back to being the same old Jesse and that everything they had ever talked about would come to them. But that had just been wishful thinking.

Swiftly he stood, opening the door to find her crouched on the ground before it, a sudden thought rushing through his head. As he slid down the wall beside her, his arm taking it's place around her shoulders pulling her towards him, he spoke, "Together we move mountains, let's not make mountains out of mole hills cause with you I'm in my fucking mind, without you I'm out it." He could feel her sobs wracking her body, the wetness of her tears rushing in through the fabric of his shirt but he refused to move. "Rachel, I'm sorry that I'm putting you through this and not making it easy. I'm sorry that I'm being _Jesse _ and not letting you in, but you have to understand that I don't need you-" He stopped speaking when she looked up to him, the pain evident in her gaze and he instantly regretted his word choice. "That's not what I meant..."

"I know it's not, but it's true. You don't need me, but I need you..."

The two stopped and watched each other for what felt like hours, neither having the willpower to break the silence and it wasn't until it was almost time for Jesse to leave that they spoke once again. "I want you to come with me, and no, I'm not just saying that because of everything that happened today. I want you to be in the room with me through chemotherapy and radiation. If anything will keep me stronger, it's you." And with that she gently leaned up, her hands gripping the back of his neck and the curls of his hair, as she pulled his lips to her own. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

They both began to quickly get ready to leave, Jesse grabbing everything that was necessary for his visit and Rachel throwing things in her bag that she thought would help distract him. If she kept his mind away from the sickness invading him, then maybe she could do some good there at the doctors. The car ride there was just as always, a swift drive with the two talking animatedly until pulling into a parking spot and piling out. In all honesty, the reality of what was about to happen did not settle in on Rachel until she was sitting with Jesse's hand in hers as they began to put tubes in his arms and prepare him. For hours, they sat and talked. They played games and did everything to try and avoid the buzzes of the machines and the horrors that surrounded them, until it was too late. "You don't have to stay, if you don't want to. I have another hour. I know you're hunger, you can go get something..." but she was having none of it, her grip tightening on his hand as she spoke. "I'm not going anywhere," a decision that Jesse would later regret.

The hour came and went and Jesse was taken in a wheelchair out to the car, climbing in the passenger seat as Rachel took over driving. They had only made it a little over a mile down the road when she saw the coloration drain, saw the verdant hue take over his features as he muttered for her to pull over. She jumped out of the car the minute it was stopped, Jesse falling out into her arms as the content of his stomach poured onto the street beside them. She tried to comfort him, running her hands through his hair, and the only thing she found was heartache. For when her fingers gingerly passed through his curling, dark locks, chunks of them fell out into her shaking hand. Quickly, she tried to get rid of the evidence, knowing full well how Jesse would react, but when he leaned up, eyes landing on her hair covered hand, she knew that everything was going to take an even bigger turn for the worse. "Let's go home," he muttered, climbing into the car without another word the entire ride.

"I want you to shave it." The statement was simple, the meaning not hidden, but Rachel still didn't understand. "Your hair?" Her voice came out frightened, strangled with the magnitude of what he was asking her to do. _His curls, _the things she loved. He wanted her to shave them off, all because some had fallen out, just as the doctors had told them when he first went in. "Please?"

The razor in her hand felt hot and out of place as she waited, the fear gripping her and refusing to let go. Until a different grip took over, one that was welcoming and loving. One that belonged to Jesse. "You can do this, you can do it for me." And together, as the razor clipped off each lock of his beautiful hair, their voices mixed in harmony as they sang. "_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, well that's alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, well that's alright because I love the way you lie. Love the way you lie."_


	10. Chapter 10: Poison and Wine

The music flew through the apartment, the loudness of the instruments masking that of her muffled sobs. Fear, it was the only thing flooding through her. Why was the world suddenly so evil? Why was everything happening to her? She never thought that all that she had could slip through her fingers so easily. A month ago she was dedicated college student, destined for greatness and waiting to have her shot. But now, a month later, she was a wreck, a disaster just waiting to happen.

He pretended not to hear her, shut her away to let her go for a few moments because he knew what he was doing to her. He knew that it had been him who forced her to quit _Next to Normal_, that it was his ailment which forced her grades and classes to suffer. Even if his hand wasn't the one doing the work, even if it hadn't been his voice that said 'I quit,' he knew that it had been his fault. "Rachel?" he muttered once he could take her sobs no longer. "Can I come in?" He could hear the door click and watched as she opened the door, not bothering to wipe the tears from her eyes before looking up to him. He didn't say a word, didn't do a thing, except wrap Rachel in his arms as she began to sob once more.

Guilt invaded her when she realized that her tears had, somehow, turned to ones of joy. It was her sick way of coming to terms with everything spinning around her. She felt even guiltier when she heard Jesse mutter apologies into her hair. "It's not your fault," she whispered, her eyes traveling over her own shoulder to the small object that laid on the counter.

"Jesse, I have to tell you something..." All of her years of thinking had meant nothing, all those years of planning amounted to nothing. She would just have to say it, just come out and speak the words she so feared. "Here," she muttered, his hand being grasped in her own as she placed it gently on her stomach. "Rachel, what-"

But realization settled in on Jesse, the knowledge of what she was trying to tell him coming to him. He didn't know what made him do it, what made him retract his hand but before he could stop himself, his hand was as far away from her stomach as he could get it. Anger invaded him as he let the thoughts of 'why' take over his mind. None of this was part of his plan. Not her coming back, not this sick, and definitely not the small child that was now growing inside her. "How?" The statement was out before he could stop, the stupidity of it evident in the stale air that hung between them. "I mean, God, Rachel."

And there was what she feared. The rejection, the push. He was already hesitant on letting her aide him as he tried his hardest to separate their relationship from his cancer. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice cracking as she turned to leave the room and she wasn't surprised when she realized that Jesse did not follow after her.

"_You only know what I want you to..." _Jesse let the lyrics slip from his lip, his eyes stationary on where Rachel had once been located. Why was the world out to stab them both in the back? Why was everything turning against them?

"_I know everything you don't want me to." _She let her back slide down the door, her knees pulling to her chest as she look straight ahead. She should have known better, known that'd he wouldn't react for the better.

"_Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine."_ Slowly he began to take in his surroundings once again, his hand coming up to involuntarily rest on his head, as if running his hands through the non-existent curls.

"_You think your dreams are the same as mine." _Rachel stood, the pain taking her out of her own self pity and place her in reality. She was not going to sit by and watch as her world slipped away. "Jesse," she muttered, opening the door and finding him stand just as she left him, hand on his head and eyes cast towards the floor. "I'm sorry," he whispered, the tears pooling in his eyes as she pulled them up to hers. "We can do this, I know we can." And it was his laugh that made her frown, that throaty laugh that she had missed so much. "Well, that's the most un-Rachel Berrylike thing you've ever said."


	11. Chapter 11: A Case Of You

Moments passed just as before, days slipped by and Rachel got lost in her school work and taking Jesse to and from the doctors. Slowly but surely she was positive that he thought she was trying to distant herself from him, that she was going to pretend as if everything was fine between them.

"Rachel?" He whispered, her hand resting comfortable upon the cotton-covering of his chest. She slowly opened her eyes, resting her chin upon his chest as he looked up to her. "Yes, Jess?"

Gently he moved her off of his chest, laying beside her on his side to look into the pooling doe eyes. He knew that she could immediately assume the worst, that she would think his hesitance was someone aimed towards her actions. If anything, it was the opposite. He wanted to let her know that she was free to leave whenever, he would not hold it against her. He needed her by his side, but some sick part of him rather have her away from him, happy and at a safe distance for when he couldn't go on any longer.

"I want you to know something, and I don't want you to take it the way you will. And don't even try and fight me, I know you Rachel Berry and I know how you react to things." He placed his hand upon her cheek, wiping the tears that had fallen from them. "You don't have to stay here. I know that it's hard for you, and that it's even worse because you are dealing with the baby too. If you need to move back into your apartment, or if you need space from me, I'm giving it to you. I don't want you to feel-"

He stopped speaking when he felt her lips on his own, the salty taste of them from the tears that were still falling. "I'm not going to leave and you know that. I don't like this new martyrdom you've encountered. Where's the confident, cocky St. James that stole my attention all those years ago?" Her laughter reached his ears but it did not bring a smile to his face, as she had hoped. It only made him look away from her. "It got left back at the doctors when they told me I wasn't invincible."

"Jess," she whispered, her hand now encasing his upon her face. "You don't need to lose everything that makes you you just because you got sick. You're still Jesse St. James, former male lead of Vocal Adrenaline and holder of the national title for four consecutive years. You're still the man who I fell in love with singing _Hello_ in a music store. You're still that guy, whether you feel like it or not." She left out all the bad, as much as the snippy part of her wants to say them. She left out everything that _made _him that cocky, arrogant man she spoke of because she knew it would only bruise is now fragile ego, something she thought impossible.

"I'm not going anywhere. I hate to break it to you, but you are stuck with me for the rest of our lives now." She brought his hand from her face down to her stomach, lying it there and bringing her eyes back to meet his. She could see tears reflected in his blue-green gaze, them refusing to fall for that fact that even if he was more vulnerable, he was still Jesse and emotions were not his strong suit.

She stopped for a moment, the realization of what she had yet to tell him sinking in. He was giving her the option to leave, telling her that he wouldn't keep her grounded, but would he go with her? She knew she could do it without him, she knew she didn't need anyone's help, but something within her stirred at the knowledge that she would leave him behind, a sickening feeling that made her head spin. "I have something important to tell you Jesse."

Her breathing began to quicken as she thought of the phone call from earlier that day. It was a quick message, something left in haste and for Rachel to respond to. Something that meant everything. "I got a call today, from a casting director in New York. They want me to go out there and start rehearsing for a show that won't open until after the baby is born. Jesse, they want me on Broadway." And the tightening of his jaw was not something that she expect. He moved away from her, sitting up on the bed and running his hand over his once thickly covered head. "What the Hell did you say to them?"

She sat up with him then, her arms coming to cross at her chest as she looked at him. "I haven't said anything, it was a message. But what does it matter? You know what this means for us? It means you can concentrate on getting better, it means we can save the money from school and put it towards the baby-"

"We don't need the money, Rachel, and you know that. This is about the stage and your dreams. This is about you." He stood up from their bed, opening the door and leaving the room without another word to her. _So, Jesse St. James came back_, she thought. _That was quick_.

"You don't get to act like that. You don't get to be angry," she yelled as she threw herself from the bed, standing and following him out into the kitchen. "What happened to making my dreams come true? What happened to _Don't Cry For Me Argentina _being an inevitability?"

"That was all when I thought I'd have it first." Rachel stood staring at him, her teeth biting the inside of her lip as the tears threatened her eyes. But she wouldn't cry for him, not now. Not when St. Jackass had returned. "Fine. Then I'll go to New York without you. I'll take the baby and my things and I'll go. If pushing me away was what you wanted, then you go it." And it only took him a minute more to huff out of the apartment and shut the door on his way out.

**The next chapter is already written. If you guys review and tell me what you think, I'll post it. There is about 1 or 2 more chapters before the epilogue so...REVIEW!**


	12. Chapter 12: Let Me Sing You To Sleep

Her sobs echoed through the silent apartment, her face turned towards the wall and her mind on the conversation that had come to past. Now that he was gone, out of earshot, she'd let her emotions take over.

She knew where he went, it's something that he did even before she found out he was sick. He'd take his copy of _A Streetcar Named Desire_ and he'd read over the scene when Stella runs to Stanley after their fight, his flare for the dramatic being cured through the words on the page rather than his continual yell of 'Rachel' up their stairs. He was almost positive that if he tried to reenact it that the neighbors would call the police on him.

And like Rachel, Jesse knew that she would be silently laying in their room but in her mind she would be singing, the words ever so clear in his own mind as he shut the play and began heading home. "_Jesse is over and Jesse is done. Jesse's convinced that it's time to move on._" She had sang it to him when she came back into his life, the song that helped her get through everything when he was no longer there. It seemed an odd comfort to her.

Still, he didn't expect her to be sobbing, that much she knew. She knew that he would somehow find it a 'point' for him. He made the great Rachel cry, but she would not let him know that he had gotten to her. She would give herself this moment, this time of loneliness and that was it.

And the minute she heard the door open, she would stop. He'd not have the satisfaction of her tears, she wouldn't allow it.

Too bad her mind was too focused on not letting him see her crying to hear the door open and lock or hear his footsteps echoing down the hallway.

She felt the weight of the bed shift, she felt him beside her but she refused to roll over, refused to look at him. "_It's the way that you blush when you're nervous. It's your ability to make me earn this. I know that you're tired, just let me sing you to sleep."_

He knew that she was trying her to quite her cries, trying her hardest to shut herself away from him. It wasn't the first time she'd tried and failed at it. "You know, our battles over who has the bigger ego and who is more stubborn are going to result in quite a lot of nights that end up like this..." He heard her soft chuckle through her tears, a movement showing that she was wiping those that had fallen from her cheeks. Gently he turned towards her, pulling her flush against him as he wrapped his arms around her. "_It's about how you laugh out of pity cause let's be honest, I'm not really that funny. I know that you're shot, just let me sing you to sleep. If you need anything, just say the word. I mean anything. Rest assured if you start to dose, then I'll tuck you in, plant my lips where your necklace is closed." _

His lips pressed against the gold star necklace he had bought her all those years ago, his amazement at the fact that she had never gotten rid of it still present in his gaze. But soon, it was replaced with a different shock. Softly, Rachel's voice filled the room, an unlike duet. _More like a mash-up_, he thought to himself as he waited for her to finish, knowing very well that she was taking the instrumental break as her own. "_So, with a thousand sweet kisses, I'll cover you. And oh, lover, I'll cover you."_

But Jesse couldn't sing the next line, he couldn't force himself to let the words fall from his lips. So, he planned on just singing the next verse to her, she would understand. Rachel, however, seemed to have other plans. "_It's those pills that you don't need to take. Medicating perfection, now that's a mistake. I know that you're spent, just let me sing you to sleep." _

Tears filled both their gazes as Jesse tightened his hold on her, "_It's your finger, and how I'm wrapped around it. It's your grace and how it keeps me grounded. I know that you're weak, just let me sing you to sleep._" It was true, and he realized it in that moment. She had him, no matter how hard he tried to argue it, wrapped around her little finger and she refused to lessen her hold on him.

"_If you need anything, just say the word I mean, anything." _And softly her voice mixed with his, the words matching and Rachel changing the arrangement to fit the song he had chosen to sing to her. _"With a thousand sweet kisses, I'll cover." _

"_Rest assured, if you start to dose, then I'll tuck you in, plant my lips where your necklace is closed..._" His voice rang clearly in the silence of his apartment, the only noise interfering was that of their heartbeats. Their voices then harmonized just as they had the day they first met, Rachel's matching Jesse's in strength and clarity and the beauty of both echoing in their ears.

"_While you were sleeping, I figured out everything, I was constructed for you and you were molded for me. Now I feel your name, coursing through my veins. You shine so bright it's insane, you put the sun to shame...I'll cover you,_" Rachel sang softly at the end, their duet closing as Jesse knew it was his duty to finish his song. His musical apology his to end.

"_If you need anything, just say the word, I mean anything. Rest assured if you start to dose, then I'll tuck you in, plant my lips where your necklace is...If you need anything, just say the word, I mean anything. Rest assured if you start to dose, then I'll tuck you in, plant my lips where your necklace is closed._" And swiftly, Jesse did just as he sang, placing his lips lightly, once more, onto the clasp of the gold chain.

They laid in silence for moments, neither having the nerve to break the quite that had fallen over them. But Jesse knew that he was his doing that had caused the tension, and though he would never be the one to admit his wrong, he now had to change that, for Rachel.

"I'm sorry, Rachel. You know that I am happy for you, that you deserve this more than anyone. I'm just...I am the one who is supposed to be there with you, the one supporting you and now you're the one who is taking care of me, making sure that I'm fine, and paying for me to live." He felt her shift, dark pools turning to face him as her eyes found his.

"You know that doesn't matter to me Jess, especially not now. All that matters to me is that we're happy, that whatever time we have together is us living the life we wanted. I don't know how much time we have together anymore and I don't want to spend it worrying about how tomorrow is going to be. With that job, I know that for at least the next year, we're safe. That I don't have to strain myself and that I can spend all the time I want with you."

His hand came to rest on her cheek, his thumb gently wiping away a renegade tear as he exhaled closing his eyes as he spoke. "That's why I want you to take the job. It's for the security it provides for you, the opportunities and...of course, the fact that I know it'd make you happier than anything I could do right now..."

The shaking of her head and the new wave of tears had Jesse thinking back to what he said. He was surprised that she wasn't taking what he had sad more joyously, it had been what she wanted, wasn't it?

"Nothing can make me happier than you, Jesse. Don't ever try and tell yourself different." And before he could argue her, she placed her lips again his and silencing him before gently letting herself fall asleep.

**OKAY. So, that was the last chapter before the Epilogue WHERE YOU DISCOVER EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO KNOW. So that means review. I want like 10 reviews before I post it. I always get like 4. GIVE ME SOME! :D**

**-Rae.**


	13. Chapter 13: I Never Left You Epilogue

He threw his arms wide, the words slipping flawlessly from his mouth and Stella's eyes grew in size. She watched as he took the stage, all gazes locked upon him for he demanded their attention. "_But on the other hand, she's slowing down. She's lost a little of that magic drive but I would not advice those critics present, to derive any satisfaction from her fading star. She's the one who kept us where we are._" Her azure gaze found his, or at least that's what she told herself, and she smiled, making herself believe that he smiled at her too.

Anxiously she bounced in her red satin seat, her mother smiling with tears in her eyes at the excitement of her daughter. The songs seemed endless now, except when he stepped forward, that's when she was mesmerized.

"Can we go now, Momma?" She said, her small voice almost masked by the applause surrounding her. All she wanted was to get out of the theatre, her joyous gaze now clouding over with tears as she realized the play had come to an end.

"Yeah, of course," she muttered as she wiped her own eyes, tears slipping freely from her brown, doe eyes. Swiftly, she picked Stella up and began making their way across the aisle, being in the front had it's perks. The applause continued to thunder around them, doing nothing to assuage her daughters cries. _Maybe she is too young for her first play,_ she thought as Stella clung dangerously to her. "It's okay, sweetie," she whispered into her ear as finally she reached the exit, the doors closing shut behind her and masking the noise held within.

She tried to soothe her daughter's wails, the tears in her eyes forcing the ones that had been pooled in her own to fall, when suddenly her name was echoed throughout the still empty lobby. "Rachel?" Her head snapped in the direction of a man, an old casting director if she remembered correctly, and she smiled. "Well, this must be the little girl that forced you to the Broadway stage..." She gently laughed, nodding as Stella stopped crying and instead cowered into Rachel's shoulder. "Who're you?" She stated, her voice small and weak in comparison to her normal tone. Rachel knew that she was just another her in the making.

"Well, I'm an old friend of your mom's," still, she clung to Rachel's collar. "This is Stella," Rachel finally said, her lips finding her forehead as she gently sucked on her thumb. "Jesse had a slight obsession with _Streetcar_." She closed her eyes with a sad smile before she heard the rumbling of the theatre behind her, knowing that soon the doors would open and they'd be bombarded with anxious fans. "Well, we better get going. It was nice running into you." And without another word, Rachel swept her daughter out of the theatre and around the corner.

The stage hand knew them and gladly let her by, nodding to Rachel and gently pinching Stella on the side, eliciting a small giggle from the teary eyed girl. When she broke free of her death grip on her mother, she noticed her surroundings and smiled, trying to force herself away from her mother's hold. "Alright, I'll let you down." She muttered with a chuckle as Stella's feet echoed in the empty halls, soft voices barely reaching her ears from behind the closed doors. "DADDY!" Was the only sound perfectly clear, along with a throaty laugh that still brought a smile to Rachel's lips after everything they'd been through.

"Where's your, Mom?" He asked, his melodic voice flowing to her as she reached the doorway, stopping at the frame and leaning against it with a smile upon her face. "Right here, Jesse," she whispered with a smile as he moved closer to her, his smirk never wavering. He was happy, no, it was more than that. She could see it upon every inch of his flawless face. He wasn't just happy, this was his Heaven. He was standing backstage from his first Broadway performance of _Evita_. His wife and daughter were with him, and he had his health. She also knew that he was happy to have those curls back as well, and it made her laugh.

"What's so funny?" She shook her head, moving to close the gap as she lightly brought her lips to his, running her hand through his dark curls. "Nothing. I'm proud of you Jesse. It was amazing." She could almost see a sadness in his eyes, something guarded that she knew he didn't want to say in front of Stella. "I just wish you were singing _Don't Cry for Me Argentina _up there with me."

"You know I couldn't, even if I auditioned Jesse. Someone had to stay with Jamie," she said with a smile, a light glinting in her eye. "I wish you would have brought him." Lightly she placed her hand on his cheek, laughing slightly at his comment before kissing him once more. "It was hard enough keeping a four year-old entertained when her father wasn't on stage. I wasn't going to try to keep a one year-old enthralled. Daddy has him and he's fine. He'll have plenty of other shows to see."

Jesse looked down to his wife of four years, her innocent face still just as he remembered it the day he sang _Hello _to her in the music store. It was as if fate had a strange way of making him see this was what was important in life, that if he took the chance at love like he had wanted to in the first place, then he could still find happiness on the stage as well. "I love you, you know." He stated, softly chuckling as he felt her lean into him, Stella's head rested on his shoulder as she slept resting on his hip. It was almost his haven, that instant. _Almost._

"Come on, you know we have the stage door still and then I want to go home." Each bit of her heart ached with the soft way he spoke, how he truly wanted to meet his fans yet wanted nothing more than his home, with his family. "Well, look at that. Jesse St. James does have a heart." The laugh she expected was not what she got, instead, she got a furrow of his brow, his jaw clenched and his arms tightening around her. "Jesse, I was kidding. You know that-"

"I know you were, Rach. It's just...It still bothers me that there was a part in our lives where you actually believed that." He shook his head with a laugh, gently kissing her forehead before separating himself from her and trying to collect when he could of his things with Stella still asleep on his shoulder. "Do you want me to take her home so you can go meet some of the fans and we'll meet you there?" She saw him shake his head before she felt his hand grip hers. "No, I want you there with me. You deserve to be."

Rachel grabbed everything around the room that Jesse couldn't hold, along with his jacket that she tried to insist he put on but he amiably refused, saying he didn't want to wake up Stella.

The door to the outside opened and a mass of people began their calls for Jesse, his attention instantly going from them to the daughter who had awoken and began to cry upon him. "It's okay, songbird," he muttered, Rachel softly smiling at the nickname he reserved for only Stella. "JESSE!" Was screamed from each of the girls down the line, some swooning over the fact that he clung to his daughter while greeting them all. Most did not take kindly to his wife standing not far behind. Rachel had to laugh, as if they thought without her here they could sweep him off his feet and cart him away. It had taken years for Rachel to let those insecurities go. But she had.

"Rach, you ready?" His voice broke her from her revere, her eyes drifting to his as she saw him at the end of the line, signing the last of the play bills. "Yeah, course." He held his hand out to her, a smile gracing his lips before he brought them to hers, kissing her sweetly before they continued walking. "Daddy, can we watch Fanny when we get home?" Stella's soft voice rang through the now silent air along with Jesse's chuckle as he gently wiped the sleep from her tired eyes. "I think it's time for bed when we get home. Maybe tomorrow."

The tears in her eyes dropped the smile from Jesse's lips and, for a reason unbeknownst to Rachel, he quickly changed his answer. "How about, instead, we put it on and you can lay with me on the couch until you fall asleep. That sound good?" She nodded before replacing her head about his shoulder, Rachel childishly giggling at his side. "Don't even start with how she has me wiped. I know, okay? It's a problem. I just...I can't watch her cry..." Rachel smiled as she placed her head on his adjacent shoulder, eyes filling with her own tears as she spoke. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

Quickly, they turned down East End Avenue, their building coming into view, and Rachel could feel Jesse speeding up. It was something about being home, being among their family and their things that made him happy, that made him seem whole and, in turn, it made Rachel jovial.

"We're home," he yelled as he opened the door, Stella still clinging to him. She'd never say it, being stubborn like both her parents, but Stella missed him when he was away, rehearsing for the show. Her entire life he'd been there everyday, the one who watched over her as her mother went to rehearse and perform, so when her father suddenly was the one leaving, Rachel couldn't help the ache that crept in her at watching her little girl wait by the door. "We're in here," her Dad called, Jamie still gurgling in the background. Before anyone could speak, the baby boy was in her arms, Rachel lifting him into the air and teasingly blowing on his bare stomach. "Hello baby boy," she cooed before placing him on her own hip, kissing her father on the cheek when he said he had to go.

The first time that Jesse set Stella down was when he went to get Jamie, a pout coming over the little girls lips as she walked to the couch and began to sulk. Rachel knew that later, Jesse would lay with her and whisper sweet nothings into her ear, comforting her and telling her that there was no other girl in the world he rather be with. And if Rachel knew her daughter well enough, she'd know her response would be something about Mommy.

Jamie fell asleep on Jesse just as Stella did and quietly he walked back to his room, placing him in his crib before turning on the monitor that sat beside it. "I'm going to shower," Rachel whispered to him, knowing that if he didn't appease Stella, then the rest of the night he'd be thinking of ways to make it up to her. "Thanks."

The water was warm on her back, the muscles relaxing as she let the water rush over her. She tried to take her time and give Jesse whatever time he needed with Stella. He wasn't just Rachel's any longer and she couldn't always want the time with him. She dressed in an old pair of sweats and a t-shirt of Jesse's, the comfort it brought her being the only thing that matter. But when she turned the corner into the living room, Barbara singing in the background, she let silent tears fall at the sight before her.

Stella was spread across Jesse's chest, her curls cascading over him and his grip tight upon her. His head was turned into the couch, eyes shut and lightly snoring. She didn't want to wake them, she wanted them to never move, but Rachel knew that Jesse would ache the next day if he didn't get a good nights rest and that Stella, as happy as she would be waking up with her Daddy, would not be fun to deal with when he wasn't around. Before she did anything, however, her camera shutter clicked and the memory she never wanted to vanish was saved within it.

"Jesse, come on. Come back to bed. We'll put Stella in her room." Her soft voice awoke him and he looked up to see Rachel leaning over the couch, hair wet from her shower. He nodded as he tried his hardest to get a grip on his daughter without waking her, managing to successfully cart her off to her vibrantly pink bedroom without her stirring. "Night, songbird."

Rachel shut the TV and the lights off, locking their door and finally making her way back to their bedroom, Jesse instantly back asleep in just his pajama pants with his arms open, waiting for her. She climbed in beside him, his arms instantly closing around her as he buried his head in the crook of her neck, lightly kissing her there. "Good night, Rachel." He whispered and she smiled because all those years ago, she thought she'd never have this, that the world would rip Jesse from her. She thought that she'd lose him to his sickness, that it would never be her reality, but somehow she got her dream. Or, as Jesse said, her _inevitability._

**So that's the ending. :D REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THE STORYYYY.**


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